Sarcasm and Wit!
I could have started by typing Dahling, but then, I know that I am no Zsa Zsa Gabor or Tallulah Bankhead. However, I love sarcasm a lot, I love to play a lot with words and state the truth in a way that the blow is not so severe, but one can get the point across and if one does get it, great and if one does not, its much greater! One can at least laugh about it later. I have so many sarcastic quotes by these so-called vixens of Hollywood and many more.
I think if one needs a crash course in sarcasm, one should see "All about Eve". I think it was one of the best movies of all time, with excellent acting, fantastic script and a in your face look at theatre world.
Anyway, I have chosen a few quotes by some of these people. Some of these quotes are very sarcastic and graphic as well. Please, use your own discretion.
Have fun people!
Tallulah Bankhead (1902-1968)
01) It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
02) Cocaine habit forming? Of course not. I ought to know, I've been using it for years.
03) I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.
04) Acting is a form of confusion.
05) The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
06) If you really want to help the American theatre, don't be an actress, Dahling. Be an audience.
07) Its one of the tragic ironies of the theatre that only one man in it can count on steady work - the night watchman.
08) I'll come up and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.
09) Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
10) When a friend of Tallulah Bankhead's asked her if Tyrone Power was gay, she replied: "I don't know Dahling; he's never sucked my D***!"
Bette Davis (1908-1989)
01) I don't take the movies seriously, and anyone who does is in for a headache.
02) Acting should be bigger than life. Scripts should be bigger than life. It should all be bigger than life.
03) An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.
04) At 50, I thought proudly: Here we are, half century! Being 60 was fairly frightening. You want to know how I spent my 70th birthday? I put on a completely black face, a fuzzy black Afro wig, wore black clothes and hung a black wreath on my door.
05) Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
06) Everybody has a heart. Except some people.
07) Evil people you never forget them. And that's the aim of any actress-never to be forgotten.
08) From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it.
09) Gary was a macho man, but none of my husbands was ever man enough to become Mr Bette Davis." (On Gary Merrill, her fourth husband)
10) Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night!
And…
Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
01) I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
02) I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things.
03) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
04) If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
05) Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
06) The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.
07) They sicken of the calm that know the storm.
08) That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
09) I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
10) Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
11) I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host!
12) Look at him, a rhinestone in the rough.
13) Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.
14) You know, that woman speaks 18 languages, and she can't say "no" in any of them.
15) His body has gone to his head.
16) Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
17) You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
18) This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown aside with great force.
19) Its a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends.
20) I can't write five words but that I change seven.
21) He is beyond question a writer of power; and his power lies in his ability to make sex so thoroughly, graphically and aggressively unattractive that one is fairly shaken to ponder how little one has been missing.
22) In 1925, Harold Ross was struggling to keep The New Yorker magazine alive with a tiny, inexperienced staff and an office with one typewriter. Running into Dorothy, Ross said, "I thought you were coming into the office to write a piece last week. What happened?" Dorothy replied, "Somebody was using the pencil."
23) On learning that Calvin Coolidge was dead she remarked, "How could they tell?"
24) "Are you Dorothy Parker?" a guest at a party inquired. "Yes, do you mind?"
25) In the street once Dorothy approached a taxi. "I'm engaged," the cabbie said. "Then be happy," she told him.
26) In a 1933 review of the play "The Lake" starring Katherine Hepburn: "Miss Hepburn runs the gamut of emotions from A to B"
27) Of the play "The House Beautiful": "The House Beautiful is The Play Lousy."
28) Young man to Dorothy Parker: "I can't bear fools." Dorothy Parker to young man: "Funny, your mother could."
29) In a New Yorker review of A.A. Milne's "House at Pooh Corner": "Tonstant weader fwowed up."
30) For her own epitaph: "Excuse my dust."
I have included sites of all these people, click on their names!
I am ending quotes by Zsa Zsa Gabor (1916) as well,
01) A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.
02) A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.
03) Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
04) Husbands are like fires--they go out when unattended.
05) How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
06) I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
07) I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back.
08) If I would believe what I read about myself, I would hate my guts too.
09) I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
10) Personally I know nothing about sex because I've always been married.
11) One of my theories is that men love with their eyes; women love with their ears.
12) The women's movement hasn't changed my sex life. It wouldn't dare.
13) We were both in love with him. I fell out of love with him, but he didn't.
14) When I'm alone, I can sleep crossways in bed without an argument.
15) I don't remember anybody's name. How do you think the "Dahling" thing got started?
Here's to Sarcasm and Wit!
I think if one needs a crash course in sarcasm, one should see "All about Eve". I think it was one of the best movies of all time, with excellent acting, fantastic script and a in your face look at theatre world.
Anyway, I have chosen a few quotes by some of these people. Some of these quotes are very sarcastic and graphic as well. Please, use your own discretion.
Have fun people!
Tallulah Bankhead (1902-1968)
01) It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
02) Cocaine habit forming? Of course not. I ought to know, I've been using it for years.
03) I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.
04) Acting is a form of confusion.
05) The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
06) If you really want to help the American theatre, don't be an actress, Dahling. Be an audience.
07) Its one of the tragic ironies of the theatre that only one man in it can count on steady work - the night watchman.
08) I'll come up and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.
09) Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
10) When a friend of Tallulah Bankhead's asked her if Tyrone Power was gay, she replied: "I don't know Dahling; he's never sucked my D***!"
Bette Davis (1908-1989)
01) I don't take the movies seriously, and anyone who does is in for a headache.
02) Acting should be bigger than life. Scripts should be bigger than life. It should all be bigger than life.
03) An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.
04) At 50, I thought proudly: Here we are, half century! Being 60 was fairly frightening. You want to know how I spent my 70th birthday? I put on a completely black face, a fuzzy black Afro wig, wore black clothes and hung a black wreath on my door.
05) Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
06) Everybody has a heart. Except some people.
07) Evil people you never forget them. And that's the aim of any actress-never to be forgotten.
08) From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it.
09) Gary was a macho man, but none of my husbands was ever man enough to become Mr Bette Davis." (On Gary Merrill, her fourth husband)
10) Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night!
And…
Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
01) I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
02) I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things.
03) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
04) If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
05) Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
06) The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.
07) They sicken of the calm that know the storm.
08) That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
09) I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
10) Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
11) I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host!
12) Look at him, a rhinestone in the rough.
13) Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.
14) You know, that woman speaks 18 languages, and she can't say "no" in any of them.
15) His body has gone to his head.
16) Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
17) You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
18) This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown aside with great force.
19) Its a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends.
20) I can't write five words but that I change seven.
21) He is beyond question a writer of power; and his power lies in his ability to make sex so thoroughly, graphically and aggressively unattractive that one is fairly shaken to ponder how little one has been missing.
22) In 1925, Harold Ross was struggling to keep The New Yorker magazine alive with a tiny, inexperienced staff and an office with one typewriter. Running into Dorothy, Ross said, "I thought you were coming into the office to write a piece last week. What happened?" Dorothy replied, "Somebody was using the pencil."
23) On learning that Calvin Coolidge was dead she remarked, "How could they tell?"
24) "Are you Dorothy Parker?" a guest at a party inquired. "Yes, do you mind?"
25) In the street once Dorothy approached a taxi. "I'm engaged," the cabbie said. "Then be happy," she told him.
26) In a 1933 review of the play "The Lake" starring Katherine Hepburn: "Miss Hepburn runs the gamut of emotions from A to B"
27) Of the play "The House Beautiful": "The House Beautiful is The Play Lousy."
28) Young man to Dorothy Parker: "I can't bear fools." Dorothy Parker to young man: "Funny, your mother could."
29) In a New Yorker review of A.A. Milne's "House at Pooh Corner": "Tonstant weader fwowed up."
30) For her own epitaph: "Excuse my dust."
I have included sites of all these people, click on their names!
I am ending quotes by Zsa Zsa Gabor (1916) as well,
01) A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.
02) A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.
03) Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
04) Husbands are like fires--they go out when unattended.
05) How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
06) I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
07) I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back.
08) If I would believe what I read about myself, I would hate my guts too.
09) I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
10) Personally I know nothing about sex because I've always been married.
11) One of my theories is that men love with their eyes; women love with their ears.
12) The women's movement hasn't changed my sex life. It wouldn't dare.
13) We were both in love with him. I fell out of love with him, but he didn't.
14) When I'm alone, I can sleep crossways in bed without an argument.
15) I don't remember anybody's name. How do you think the "Dahling" thing got started?
Here's to Sarcasm and Wit!
posted by Ankur Joshi at 7:40 AM
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