My Act Of Contrition

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart

Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart

Who is that human I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in

But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that human I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?

Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

There's a heart that must
Be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?

I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else
For all time

When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

My Act Of Contrition

Written by Sonny Carroll

As it happened it was a Saturday morning, a housecleaning day.

I went into the bathroom to get a can of Ajax that I kept beneath the bathroom sink.

Absently, I bent down to reach for it and as I stood to walk away, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

For a second, I was taken aback.

The way you are when you run across an old acquaintance and for a moment, you try to place the face.

You!

I heard myself say, It¹s you!

I hadn¹t noticed you standing there all this time.

I took a step back and turned to face the mirror.

I looked at myself.

My age was beginning to show.

I looked carefully at the contours of my face, my nose, the tiny beauty mark on the side of my mouth.

No judgments just recognition.

Then I looked deep into my eyes, my beautiful brown eyes.

I felt myself gazing the way you do when upon first meeting, you seem to recognize the soul of another.

"Hello." I heard myself whisper.

Oh my God, I¹ve never noticed you standing there.

Standing and waiting for me to recognize you.

All this time it¹s been you there beside me.

You said nothing, but in your eyes, I saw it all.

You had walked every step of the way with me. You picked me up when I fell.

When others walked away, you stayed.

And every time I thought I couldn¹t go on you gave me the strength and you showed me the way.

I never acknowledged you.

I never championed you.

I never took care of you.

I never acknowledged your goodness, your, gifts or your strength.

I had love for everyone else but none for you.

Forgive me.

I heard myself cry.

I never meant to hurt you.

You the one that has always been there for me.

Let me love and honor you.

I promise never to betray you again.

You said nothing, but in your eyes, I saw a smile.